By Jack Crossley
First released in paperback in 2008.
A hilarious compendium of all that's bizarre approximately existence within the British Isles – the eccentric, weird and wonderful paperwork and outright oddity said during the last yr by means of the nation's newspapers, together with: dad or mum headline, 'Man with fake leg hit with rest room lid.'; The Astrological journal, 'announces that it really is to stop as a result of unexpected circumstances.'
Jack Crossley spent a few forty years in Fleet road and has compiled this laugh-out-loud selection of anecdotes and unusual goings-on which sound so outlandish you actually couldn't lead them to up.
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Additional resources for Barmy Britain: Bizarre but True Stories from across the Nation
The whole country is fighting to get tickets to see him. It’s nothing personal – it’s just showbiz. ’ ‘I understand,’ said Dancing Dan through gritted teeth, ‘that my own hard-earned reputation is being ruined by a wretched little twerp who slobbers over his own bum! I demand that you get rid of him! ’ ‘Fine,’ Colin Gumbo said. ‘It’s you. ’ Dancing Dan howled. ‘You can’t do that! This circus is nothing without me! ’ 24 Circus Berzerkus Text 19/1/05 4:20 PM Page 25 ‘You’re a top-class performer and I pay you well for it,’ Colin Gumbo replied.
There are lights going on everywhere! ’ Lights were indeed flicking on in some of the caravans. Already a couple of people were running towards us, shining torches over the grass. ’ Dan commanded. ‘Straight ahead – this way! For God’s sake, do you always have to glow like that? You’re a danger to shipping! ’ ‘I save your life,’ the Great Zambini panted grimly as he ran. ’ Dan spluttered beside him. ‘For what? For waking Queenie up so she could rip my arms off? ’ ‘That no my fault. ’ ‘Rubbish. ’ ‘I see ghost of elephant.
Something not so obvious, eh? ’ Shortly after that, he left. The circus started as usual at seven o’clock and I gave the worst performance I’d ever given in my life. I was so upset that I couldn’t do anything right. I twirled the wrong way. I lost my balance when I went up on two legs. As for my famous blindfolded hop, it was more like a blindfolded trip-and-fall-flat-on-my-backside. I couldn’t wait to get back to my cage. I stayed awake all that night, thinking about what Dan had said. Some time in the wee hours of the morning, I took a solemn oath.